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COUPLES

PRE-MARITAL, MARITAL & COUPLES COUNSELING

Do you and your partner keep having the same arguments repeatedly?
Are you unable to let go of old hurts and move on?
Do you often feel alone in your relationship, unimportant, and not good enough?
Are you looking to deepen your connection with your partner?

MY METHOD OF COUPLES THERAPY IS EFT,EMOTIONALLY FOCUSED THERAPY.

WHAT IS EMOTIONALLY FOCUSED COUPLES THERAPY (EFCT)?

EFT is founded on the exciting science of attachment theory, which explains that we are all wired for strong, loving bonds with our partners and that we have deep needs for acceptance, belonging, closeness, and safety. When we perceive these needs are threatened in some way, or we feel insecure in our relationship with our partner, we naturally go into distress.

EFT is the only form of therapy where there is a therapy road map. An EFT therapist takes the couple through 3 Stages of treatment, with each phase having its own distinctive focus. We do not rehash the fight of the week and focus on content issues. Instead, we look at and understand the emotional processes (negative patterns) where couples get stuck & focus on changing negative patterns into more positive interactions.

EFT TREATMENT GOALS

  • To reduce distress in relationships (Stage 1: De-escalation)
  • Create reconnection between partners (Stage 1 & 2: Creating Bonding Moments & Events)
  • Create a safe environment for couples
  • Create more secure attachment bonds between partners (Stage 2 & 3)
  • Integration & consolidation of new secure bond between partners (Stage 3)

HOW DOES CHANGE OCCUR?

We focus on these patterns and work on changing these negative interaction cycles in a non-judgmental environment.

In a relatively short time, couples begin to recognize and eventually express their needs for love, support, protection and comfort that are often hidden or disguised by the harsh or angry words used in repetitive self-defeating patterns of conflict or arguments with each other.

Partners begin to “listen with the heart,” one of the cornerstones of EFT – which means listening not for the literal meaning of a partner’s words, but for the feelings that lie beneath. In return, the other partner is better able to respond from their heart in kind. This is the emotional focus of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy.

We view the building of “a safe haven” in your relationship as our primary task, and we will try to focus on your primary needs — to feel close, secure and responded to — which probably underlie most of your couple conflict. Once this safe haven and feelings of connection are reestablished, you will be better able to manage conflict and the painful or difficult feelings that will inevitably arise from time to time in a close relationship. Furthermore, without so much defensiveness, each of you will be able to:

  • Send clearer message
  • Hear the other’s perspective
  • Collaborate
  • Problem-solve

What’s needed in marriage isn’t better contracts, but looking at marriage for a safe haven.

John Gottman